The Hard Truth 01/31/2012
 
Tonight will be the first time since I've gotten focused on my eating and exercise that we'll be going out to dinner.  We're headed to a birthday party at your favorite, and mine- good ol' Red Robin.  I'm not typically a big fan of chain food, but for a big juicy burger it's a pretty good deal.  I mean first of all, they wrap your burger for you, nice and neat, so you don't have ketchup all over your hands at the end.  Love it!  And of course, there are those unlimited steak fries...

Ah, I'm ahead of myself.  Because of our great success over the past few days, I decided to do some planning ahead and check out their website for nutritional information (one perk of chains, I suppose.)  I was pleased to find RR actually has a customizable "menu builder" that allows you to customize any of their dishes, and see the amount of calories you're about to shove in your face.  Very informative.  Very terrifying.  

If you're like me, or most Americans, when you go out to eat, you eat until you're full.  You have a salad, maybe split an appetizer, eat most or all of your giant entree, and then seriously consider dessert until your significant other gives you the, 'are you crazy?' look.  Well, I am here to tell you that the big entree alone is probably costing you near 1000 calories.  And that's for a SALAD.  

I've spent the last 20 minutes trying to customize something that is less artery-clogging and I'll be honest, it's been difficult.  I believe I will probably have to settle for something around 560 calories (a turkey burger with no cheese, lettuce, tomato, wheat bun, and either ketchup or BBQ sauce.)  NO UNLIMITED FRIES!!!  The other interest for me was the cobb salad, which was a startling 980 calories with your traditional ranch dressing.  My best bet would probably be to split something with my handsome date.  

In the meantime, check out this sight.  It's a great reminder, if nothing else, about what we're really ingesting on a night out.  
Reeeedddddd Robin! [YUMMMMM]
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I read a great article yesterday that reminded me that seeing is believing.  As in, your eyes will play tricks on you if you let them, for the better.  As the decades have rolled on, portion sizes in America have gotten larger and larger, and along with them, our plates and bowls have grown to accommodate the overflow.  A lot of times, a positive change is as simple as downsizing the vessel your brunch will be delivered in.  This is something I intend to keep in mind as I register for my wedding.  Size does matter!

Deception Diet - NPR

This former profiterol bowl pleased my eyes and presented my post-brunch kiwi as an appetizing snack.  The cup is slightly larger than a 1 cup measurement.  Portions, people! ;)
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1.5 Points
1 slice of whole wheat light bread
1 slice of fat free American cheese
Sliced cherry tomatoes
Basil
Salt

*Note- I am using the incredibly high-tech workings of my Android phone.  Try not to be overwhelmed by my photographic expertise.

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Yeah, it's true.  I did what I always did.  I started a blog and abandoned it within a month.  And it's not safe to say it won't happen again this time.  But guess what, I'm okay with that.  I'm not here to blog my innermost thoughts and dreams on a daily basis.  I am starting to think that's really only appropriate for my personal journal.  I am here to have some fun, and share stuff that I find to be entertaining (and maybe a few others will too?)

Here are some facts and updates about life since May of last year:
  • I got a Masters degree.
  • I got engaged.
  • I started and left a job.
  • I moved.
  • I probably put on an additional 10 lbs. from that point.

So all of that is what it is.  Most of it amazingly awesome.  I could live without the 10 lbs. thing, but here we are.  I'm planning a wedding in less than 6 months and I have to say, I am startled by my overall Zen.  It's been fun, productive, and exciting.  I should probably mention there was a time I didn't know if my fiance and I would get to this point, but I've wanted it more than anything.  And now... :)  It's pretty special.  Anyways, with the upcoming wedding you can probably guess that I'm back on the, "how can I take off a minimal of 20 lbs?" state of mind.  I have the dress.  It's mine.  I already fit in it, but overall, I know that more than almost anything, I want to be comfortable and energetic, happy, and body-image-worry-free on my big day.  More importantly, on the honeymoon and beyond.  So I'm engaging in my re-education.  Back to my trusted old friend, Weight Watchers.

Now, the whole point of this blog originally was to get away from dieting.  I am proud to say, I really did live a year of my life just eating what I felt like (although maybe that wasn't the exact point of eating intuitively!)  Now, I have a goal.  I know what I want, and there's not much that has ever been able to stop me once I get an idea in my head.  Some quoted examples about my willpower include, "You were like, 'You and WHAT ARMY is going to stop me?!', and 'You've got this steely determination to get what you want."  Okay.  Both of those quotes were from my Mom.  But my personal favorite is- "WHATEVER IT TAKES."  I'd love to be down that 20 lbs., and generally, I have to remind myself that's because I WANT it.  

Weight Watchers is something I've dabbled in more times that I can really count.  I went with my parents as a little girl, satisfied to sit through the meetings as long as I got a new sneaker sticker to add to my collection.  In high school, I'd leave on my lunch break and meet my Mom.  It was around then I was at my highest weight- that is, until now.  I've gone off and on throughout the years, and consider myself an expert.  I have to admit, as I read up on things again and get re-aquainted, it's surprising to find out how off the mark I have been with portion control and food value.  Let's just say getting back on the points wagon won't be as easy as I wanted to believe.  Another thing I've decided is not to learn the new PointsPlus system, to save time and headache.  I want to look like Jennifer Hudson just as much as the next girl, but my limited funds and limited pre-wedding time leave me with the resources I already have.  I'm fine with it.

If you should happen to stumble across this tiny little page with no publicity in the blogosphere, awesome.  Hi there!  Please know this is just going to be a smörgåsbord of ideas, pictures, recipes, and thoughts.. whenever I feel like it.  I already am finding the writing of this entry to be therapeutic, and I think the no pressure route is the way to go for me.  Happy Weight-Watchering.  
See? I can make up words in the no-pressure zone, too.
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Phasing In 05/15/2011
 
In the next entries, I will go a little bit more into detail about how this whole Intuitive Eating thing works, but, my ultimate recommendation is just to get the book for yourself and follow along!  (That's your cue to new tab it over to Amazon.)  For today, I just want to talk a little bit about where I'm at right now.

So, the first part of IE is the part that might feel the most "non-Intuitive" to a person that has spent most of their life on a diet of some kind, always aware of the consequences that go hand in hand with the calorie count.  The first phase has to do with reintroducing foods that may have previously been restricted, outlawed, or labeled as "bad".  This could be something you have craved for 5 years, or something that you frequently "give in to" and "ruin your diet".  Maybe it's a cookie, or 5 cookies, or cheese on your sandwich, or any other thing that you feel could make you have to quit, take a binge day, and start everything over on Monday.  Phase 1 is about reintroducing these foods as just that- food.  Not good food, not bad food.  Just food you are in the mood to eat, regardless of what it is, or what society or your mom or wife think about it.  Phase 1 is hard because it feels very unnatural not to label or count the calories of foods, or the biggest part- feel guilty and beat yourself up for eating it.

I have spent the last 2 months breaking away from the diet mentality, one that started at around age 11.  That's a lot of years to erase, so I knew it wouldn't be a short path.  At first, it was really hard for me to not judge the food, and more so, myself for eating it.  Crazy things that I wouldn't even go near- PopTarts, macaroni and cheese, an iced coffee beverage- those are the things I had trouble "allowing" most.  Now, are these things healthy or nutritional at all?  No, not really.  But during Phase 1, that's not really the point.  Believe me, I know how crazy it sounds, but during this time, it is important to allow yourself to have any and all food that you crave.  There's a good chance once you start this process, you will get more comfortable with it, and start to even enjoy it; having these treats that for so long were off limits.  There's also a good chance that your portion control skills are non-existent (as are mine), and you will probably overdo it.  Listening to your body signals comes next, and that's where I find myself now, ready to get more in tune with what it feels like to actually be ready to stop eating.

The logistics of this process and my journey through it will be more fleshed out in upcoming posts, but today, for myself, I wanted to address a few things that I need to see in writing, as a reminder about what this process is really about.  As I sit in my skin at this very moment, I'm not unhappy, but I am uncomfortable.  The two months of rediscovery and especially recent visits to my hometown have turned into excess.  I feel I am ready to start becoming more aware of my hunger signs.  However, there is a very important wedding coming up in weeks- in which I am the maid of honor.  Usually, in this situation, I resolve to "lose 10 lbs." by that time, and surely, hate myself when it doesn't happen.  Reading this now, it's so incredibly silly that I could laugh, thinking that it's normal or possible to lose 10 lbs. of actual weight, healthily.  I'm done with that, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to look and feel great that day.  I had to verbally, out loud give myself a pep talk this evening.  In it, I said that I would probably be at or around the same weight I am today the day of this wedding.  I had to admit that, and embrace it.  It is absolutely possible, though to feel better by the wedding, simply by taking care of myself.  So instead of the mad dash to lose false weight for this one day in my life, I will focus on eating until I'm full, getting exercise that I enjoy, and sleeping 7-8 quality hours at night.  This is the real way to feel great by June 4th.  It's a new perspective, but one that I am eager to embrace until it is my normal.  There is no number label for feeling great.
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Let me get started with a brief introduction about how I stumbled upon Intuitive Eating, which I will frequently refer to as IE.  It was a random memory that brought me to the point I'm at now, working on reconnecting with the Intuitive Eating skills I was born with!

About 4 or 5 years ago (this is when it gets random), I remember hearing about the scandal surrounding American Idol contestant Katherine McPhee, when she announced that she suffered from bulimia during her run on the show. (LINK) After recovery, she mentioned that her new lifestyle included Intuitive Eating, not a diet.  At the time, I didn't look much further past the fact that she looked great and I was jealous, but I put it in my mental bank and moved on with life, continuing to eat up success stories and weight loss diet promises.  

Fast forward to 2011.  I had moved to Michigan, away from friends and family to pursue a graduate degree and a home with the love of my life.  Though my relationship was going extremely well, everything else was not.  My new best friend became the TV, and our mutual acquaintances snacks and bingeing.  In the first year, I put on nearly 20 pounds.  My depression and hopelessness grew.  None of my vast healthy living knowledge was helping.  If I lost 5 pounds, I'd gain 6 the next week.  It was a horrific roller coaster that was really eating away at my very being.  I realized that diets- even the best, most reasonable ones, even the non-fail ones- were not working.  I began my quest to find a new way.  I knew I had to do everything differently.

After some exploration of food addiction, Overeaters Anonymous, and the works of Geneen Roth and other "non-diet" philosophies about food, I ended up going back to that memory from 5 years back.  It just popped up in my head- for no reason.  I can't say I heard a Katherine McPhee song and everything became clear.  Intuitive Eating . What exactly is it?  Is there a book?  All I know is, the idea of using my own intuition- something I do believe in- sounded natural and appealing.  I ordered the book.

Each night, as I read IE, I actually felt like crying.  Sometimes, I did.  Tears of joy and relief, that the words coming off the pages read as my entire life.  I believe I was brought to this book at this time, and that finally, after such a long time of feeling bad- my time had come to reconnect.  

This blog is going to be about my journey on the IE path.  I've already started the first phase, which I'll talk about in my next entry.  The reason I'm sharing this with the world is for 2 reasons.  1- I tend to forget the small successes that come along with this process.  It isn't a fast process or an absolute one, but that's what I'm working on embracing.  Too often, all or nothing mentalities prevent us from celebrating the milestones- no matter how big or small.  2- I know so many people that have spent years in this same draining cycle of never ending dieting, success, failure, and self hatred.  I want to bring this light to those people, to show that a regular girl with a lifelong of "fixing" to do is going to relearn how to eat, and how to live.

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